Holy Suzi, I almost soiled myself!

I drop the Fat Lady off at the dealership today to get her Scorpio alarm installed, finally. I have hubby give me a ride to work and hope that my boss is there, so she can give me a ride back to the dealership once they’re done, since they close at the same time I get off. To make a long sad story short [I never do, do I? I plan on it, but it never quite goes down that way, huh?] (I did have the crappiest day at work today, I’m not even going to start on all the shinola that went down around me this wonderful AM….): I find out that the Fat Lady is in the recovery room from her surgery and can be picked up whenev’s… not like they called ME like they promised they would. *ugh* So, I hit the boss up for a ride (I told her that was coming) and her son just took off with her car, so we had to bum a co-worker’s car to get there. Geez… anyway, we scoot on down there, pick up the Fat Lady. They fleece me for $75 and of course I forget to check the fairings YET AGAIN and FORGET to ask if they did the CLUTCH BOLT bulletin on her. I’m such a hoser, but I AM having a BAD day. But dang it! Shouldn’t they be VOLUNTEERING this info, like voluntarily and stuff? Oh well. I guess I’ll have to call and ask later. So, the boss and I stand around in the parking lot while I get suited up trying to figure out where the heck we’re gonna eat… When it comes to food we make things nauseatingly difficult, EVERY time. After 15 minutes of that I just tell her I’ll follow her (not that I mind, I’m still on the clock, and I am trying to kill time, am in no hurry to get back to the slaughter). Now, there’s a big mistake. She drives like a maniac! You think I’m a speed demon, she outdid me on my Busa in SOMEBODY ELSE’s car…. wait for it, wait for it… I’m getting there. The other thing is, when we are hungry, we don’t play. We DO NOT PLAY. Get out of our way, starving people coming through! We’re like the hyenas in the Lion King, only with more personality and much cuter. =D So, we wait for a break in traffic on Washington RD (it’s bad, the worst in all of Augusta, I swear) on opposite sides of the lot. When you see a little hole you gotta gun it and hang on or you’ll sit there until the cows return home or come to roost or whatnot…. we basically go for the same hole, lay into it, and I have to lay on the binders hard a few seconds later, since Boss Woman decides to make an unannounced left at the last minute and then she floors it. I’m leaned over still, exiting my left turn, she disappears around the right S-curve coming up, I grip it and rip it to keep up (ohoh, I’m in A-Mode and the Fat Lady doesn’t play either, apparently she’s got an appetite too) and have to practically throw myself right and push my right grip hard, gotta go right, I’m still on the gas (fight survival instinct! do not snap throttle closed!) and I think I just reached my personal maximum lean at my personal maximum speed at about the same time I feel like I’m gonna throw up in my mouth, but I realize quickly: hey, she’s not going wide… she’s sticking to it, and although I feel like I’m hanging off her like a spider monkey, I’m actually nowhere near I think I am. Planted nice and cozy-like off the right seat edge. Ha, all this stuff I’ve been reading has paid off yet again! Cool. And I did it without even thinking about it. Double cool. By the time I get around the corner the Boss Woman is waiting impatiently at a red light in the left turn lane. I don’t think I’ll tell Candy what her purple metal flake Monte Carlo has been up to during the unscheduled ‘lunch break’. I have no trouble keeping up now, because my Foodar tells me where we are headed: Mi Rancho, of course. The old standby when we don’t know what else to eat. They know us there. We pay their rent. Boss Woman is zipping in and out of traffic making her way to two Chicken Tacos in a hurry. I’m in this for a Vegetarian #7 myself, because I decided that after all these lane changes, my stomach probably can’t handle anything more than a cheese and spinach quesadilla.

Note to self: Ask Boss Woman how she gets out of traffic tickets…

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