The “Yes, it is fast. No, you can’t ride it!” DilemmaPosted: February 4, 2011
Picture this: The Germans finally get around to making that thing that not anybody thought would ever happen, but plenty of us dared dreaming about it: A superbike. But give them enough time and keep them in the beer supply and eventually they do come around.
I ask you then, why in the name of all that’s holy and properly fermented with just the right ratio between hops, malt and yeast, did they stick us with a completely superfluous, not to mention ugly, pillion seat and nothing to do about it? Well, we have the option to buy a pice of color-matched plastic for $346.95 (plus S&H) to cover up the horrid eye sore; and in conjunction with the removal of those equally extraneous passenger pegs, serves to squelch any idea that might be forming in some random head about asking for a ride.
I’ve waited for the aftermarket to come up with a cheap way out of this dilemma caused by gross oversight by the German engineers. The weight savings alone would have dictated it being the other way around: Get a cowl and race hooks out of the crate, buy a seat and some foot roosts if you wanna take the ole lady (or the ole fart) for a ride. I’ve waited… and waited…
I’m done waiting. I need a substrate to stick number plate decals to. What an awesome excuse to finally make the Pirate’s ass look as bootylicious as it is proper for ladies of her ilk. She looks insanely fast just sitting still. Poised to obliterate the egos of any young Peregrine Falcons that dare get sassy, with her nose down and her tail up in the air. Perfection. Engineered with purpose. And then you’re gonna mess it all up by slapping a two-up ass perch on her? Sacrilege!
Save yourself 98 smackers and recycle with this S1000RR mod. Well, technically it isn’t a mod. Nothing has been modified. This is a recycling project. 🙂
You don’t get the mounting hardware with that $350 purchase, nor a new coded lock cylinder. Both these items are $98 extra. Imagine that! BMW for ya. Get you hopelessly drunk on lust and then take advantage of your quivering lovesick heart.
- Take your seat off, remove the two phillips head screws that hold the retention plate for the lock assembly in place. Take junk off. Lay it to the side.
- Remove the three smaller phillips head screws that hold the lock cylinder housing in place.
- Stick the key in, unlock it. Use a flat head screwdriver, depress the retaining pin and the cylinder will slide out and bounce off the floor and roll a little ways, since you’re holding the thing upside down.
- Pick it up.
- Leave the key in and carefully insert it into its place on the cowl. As you insert it, you’ll have to again depress the retaining pin to get the cylinder to slide into the housing. It’ll click when it is properly seated.
- Use a #10 hex socket and remove the nylon locking nuts from the hinge bracket. Remove the washers, then remove the bracket.
- Drop the washers back onto the bolts and screw the nuts back on. You are done here.
- While you’re at it you might want to put the lock assembly back together loosely, so you won’t wind up with missing parts; and tape the locking pin with its plastic clip to the underside.
- Sell it on eBay to someone who has the audacity to actually ride two-up on the S1000RR to replace their worn out one. (You know who you are: One word: Onions!)
- Now what?
- I really hope you have two plastic washers, two T25 fairing fasteners, and two bodywork retention clips laying around. I do. I bought a few extra because I always keep losing stuff in “The Void”. The Void is the black hole that resides somewhere between fairing panels. Location varies; however, every fully faired motorcycle comes with one standard.
- Insert the clips into the spaces provided for them, put hinge bracket on top (make sure the openings of the hinges face toward the wide end) then use the two screws with their plastic washers and secure the mess.
- You are done-done. Unless you haven’t removed the passenger pegs yet. Do that now! Put some bolts in there and paint them or get some race hooks to replace the anchor points you just lost.
- Optional (but highly recommended. Miss Busa tested and approved!): Reverse your shift pattern, slap a “GP” sticker on your upper triple tree clamp and never again be bothered by the twinge of guilt when refusing requests for test rides from your street-squid buddies. 🙂
Important Note: If you tour on your S1000RR and you are using BMW’s model-specific tailbag, hang on to your pillion seat and hardware. You will have to swap the seat back in to be able to use the tail bag. It says so in the instructions. I’m sure it has to do with the lesser height of the cowl (paint damage likely) and the lack of support (the cowl is hollow, no place to put that tool and no straps to secure luggage either). You have been warned, but do as you wish. 🙂