The Law of (Responsible) Hooliganism

Motorcyclists have a bad reputation. You can argue this point until redline, but it always comes down to the same sentiment: The general non-riding public pretty much despises sharing the road with motorcycles. We are all hooligans to them, wether we are rolling a chromed out Harley, clad in black leather, showing off ink and cultivating the badass look or we prefer to showcase the half-naked girlfriend’s asscrack hugging a crotch rocket and looking all Little G. Stereotypes? Of course. Extreme examples? Definitely. But this doesn’t really change the fact that the worst of us pretty much leave the imprint on the minds of many who then judge the rest of us by that first impression. Even the ultra-responsible hard-pannier toting BMW adventure rider isn’t safe from being judged harshly by the unwitting individual. It really doesn’t matter what we ride or how we ride it, when sharing the road with other motorists we eventually run into a taste of said general opinion in one form or another.

We even bicker amongst ourselves. The Harley-riding Badass dislikes the  Wheelie-ing Hooligan on the latest sport bike and would rather run him off the road then yield to a high-speed pass. Adventure Riders laugh at the Rocketeers and everyone is annoyed by the Metric Cruisers, because they represent the worst of both worlds: they are slow and un-American. But that is an entirely different matter altogether and beyond the scope of what I want to get off my chest today. However, let me first state this about the bigger picture: Most of us do get along no matter what we ride and most of us enjoy responsibly and appropriately.

I’m not one of those people who believe that everything should be legislated or regulated or otherwise “dealt with” just because I happen to find it to be completely idiotic or otherwise disagreeable with my own opinionated stance. I don’t believe that we should save others from themselves. We have the rules and laws in place to do that already. We don’t need more rules and we definitely don’t need to add to the contention. However, I do believe in personal accountability and responsibility and with that I am a staunch supporter of education. Inform the people of the consequences and let them do what they will with this information by employing concepts such as personal responsibility and accountability.

You won’t find me judging the rider who makes free use of the lack of mandatory helmet laws in their state. I choose to wear my lid, they choose not to. It’s their noggin, who am I to tell them they have to wear it? Same with protective gear. I myself am a firm believer of wearing my gear, but I am not going to judge the person who decides they don’t need it. I will, however, make every attempt to educate them on the importance of being dressed “for the crash”. I place enough value on my own life to do everything in my power to increase the odds of my continued survival. But this doesn’t give me the authority (or the moral obligation) to regulate the behavior of those who disagree and by the same token, I detest being judged by the idiocy of others. I am a thinking person. I make my own decisions. I don’t need to have someone tell me what is good for me and what isn’t. I know right from wrong and I know how to behave within the social contract. I don’t need a bunch of jackasses force-feeding me. Educate, don’t regulate. You can’t legislate morality (or stupidity) anyway. But I am off on a tangent and am getting way too political for a person with a non-interference clause in her contract and a very dense dislike of politics. I hate politics, I love leadership. But that’s not for this blog or any other piece I’ll ever write.

Every time I get on my bike, I break the law. Every single time. Mostly it’s speeding, but I could have been cited for a host of other offenses had they been witnessed by the proper authority: Illegal drag racing, failure to negotiate a turn, passing in a no-passing zone, reckless driving, failure to maintain lane, excessive display of horsepower, road rage, racing, evasion, lane splitting. Those are only the ones that come readily to mind. And I’m a goody-two-shoes. May those of you without sin, cast the first stone! I’m ok with that, because there won’t be a single rock lobbed in my direction. I guarantee it.

Does this make me an unsafe rider? Does this make me a squid? I don’t believe so. I am human, I make mistakes. I have had my share of bad judgment calls. I have messed up in traffic and put myself or others in danger. It happens. I ride well within my limits, I make a concentrated effort to be safe and come home without a scratch on my bike or myself. That doesn’t necessarily mean I’m 100% compliant with traffic laws. Nobody is. Safe riding does not equate to legal riding and legal riding does not equate to safe riding. Sometimes you have to make the crapchute decision between breaking the law and saving your ass. And as far as I’m concerned, I’d rather be judged by twelve than carried by six. That’s how I roll and it works for me. I have my machine under full control and I know its limits and my own. I am a safe and conscientious rider. My riding style may look aggressive to some, but I have long given up on keeping up appearances. My first priority is staying alive. But this isn’t the ultimate topic of this article. I’m just setting the stage for touching on something that everybody who has ever ridden a motorcycle on the street for any length of time eventually experiences to one degree or another.

As far as our bad reputation goes? We have ourselves to blame, or those of us who can’t keep things in the proper perspective, at the proper level and in the proper place. When you act the jackass in front of a bunch of motorists who don’t ride, you are calling negative attention to yourself and I guarantee you that within minutes of your offense the phone at the police station’s front desk is ringing off the hook with calls placed by aggravated individuals trying to save you from yourself and ruin it for every other motorcyclist in that area for the next few hours. Don’t believe me? Go ahead and pull a “race start” off a stop line after the traffic light turns green and then find yourself wondering why not five minutes later you see several squad cars policing the area. That shit is called in by the annoyed cager who is already yapping on his cellphone. You don’t even have to speed, but only appear to be speeding.

I was pulled over once by a motorcycle cop on a Harley. This was one of my more embarrassing moments on two wheels. Yours truly sitting sedately on her white Hayabusa wearing a cat-ear adorned helmet with a motor officer in tow. Sitting in four lanes of traffic at the longest red light in the history of carriageway-paving mankind getting the stink eye from several seemingly offended people in their cars and being told by the copper who pulls up next to me on his Hog to please pull over as soon as safely possible. What the hell did I do now? I didn’t get a ticket. He was a sportbike rider himself, was pretty disappointed that he had to ride a Hog at work, and was more annoyed by the situation than anything else. He said he wouldn’t have even bothered to pull me over, but he had to make it look appropriate, since a lot of the cagers where pointing at me, shaking their fists and signaling for the cop to let me have it, to remove the menace that I am from their motoring society. After running my license and plate, making sure I (and my bike) came back clean, he went off-duty and we talked shop for over half an hour. He said that people called me in for leaving a red light too fast when it turned green. And there were also complaints of speeding. He clocked me doing 70 coming out of a curve, but since I had been going more or less the speed limit before and had slowed back down to the flow of traffic after and didn’t endanger anybody else, he didn’t even worry about it. As for executing the alleged drag race start? I didn’t. I left from that stop line like I always do. I asked him if this was a regular occurrence for people to call in motorcycles. He said, and I quote: “All the damn time! And we have to go chase it down and investigate. You guys don’t even have to be doing something wrong and we still get calls about it.” Proof positive that, at least where I live, there is a direct correlation of some douche pulling some asshat stunt out of his bag of tricks and an increased presence of law enforcement in the area. I’ve always suspected as much, but never had any reason to believe it to be much more than mere coincidence until that conversation with the motorcycle cop. I came to naming the phenomenon “calling in a sighting”.

BCSO Squad Car

We all want to have fun when we’re out on a ride, so please do yourself and everyone else a favor and keep it in check and enjoy responsibly. I know I am going to catch a lot of flak for this, but let’s face it: At one time or another we all like to let it hang out a little and enjoy high performance outside of the parameters set forth by traffic laws and safe driving regulations. So, here they are, my ten rules every smart Hooligan on two wheels should know:

The 10 Commandments for Smart Motorcycle Hooligans

  1. Behave yourself in traffic! For crying out loud, what exactly does it prove when you’re doing a sustained 150 mph on the Interstate, passing everybody like they’re sitting still? Or pulling wheelies in traffic or otherwise annoy cagers with excessive display of your elevated risk acceptance. It only proves one thing: You’re an assclown who is going to have a really short riding career and you risk involving others in your shit-for-brains antics by putting them into possible harm’s way. And they might get to run you over, killing you because you fucked up. Now they have to live with THAT for the rest of their lives. No seriously. That’s just stupid. You want to speed and stunt? Find a deserted backroad with little traffic and no intersecting roads and have all the Hooligan fun you want. The less witnesses the better, and please don’t use the same spot all the time.
  2. Don’t involve others in your shenanigans. (See #1 above)
  3. Don’t pass like a jackass! Don’t tailgate! Don’t make other motorists feel pressured to speed up or get out of your way. Make sure it’s safe and give them some space. No buzzing the mirrors or cutting them off by coming back into your lane too soon. Respect their space and make a clean pass. You want to enjoy your ride, let them enjoy theirs.
  4. Be courteous. When someone does pull over to let you pass (this is a frequent occurrence on mountain roads) know that this is a courtesy extended to you. Give them a nod or a friendly wave. Let them know you appreciate their gesture of good will. Again, chances are if you ride their ass they won’t do jack for you. Respect others and they may just respect you.
  5. Speed safely. Yes. There is such a thing. Don’t hold higher speeds at sustained levels. Slow down for oncoming traffic and for areas that pose severe risk at higher speeds, such as intersecting roads, overlooks, pull-offs, parking lots, driveways, and areas with limited sight distance. You should be able to come to a complete stop within your line of sight, no matter what speed you’re going.
  6. Don’t speed stupid! No speeding (or other high-performance tricks, for that matter) in school zones, residential areas, parking lots, construction zones and other populated high-risk zones. The hefty price of a ticket written in any of those places should be your guide, if safety isn’t a main concern for you.
  7. Adhere to your riding group’s rules or don’t ride with them. Period.
  8. Respect the ride of others. We all have differing riding philosophies and have to ride within our chosen machine’s limitations. Make your passes clean, don’t harass other bikers even if you do not agree with their style, and keep the safety of other riders in mind before you act out.
  9. Don’t be a freaking asshole when you get pulled over. Own your shit!!! The cop is just doing his job and more often than not (within reason), if you were not being a jackass or riding like one, you might just get away with a warning. Don’t play the victim. Don’t whine. Don’t give the officer a hard time. You knew what you were doing could have dire consequences if you happen to get caught. We all know the risks involved when we decide to partake in a little throttle therapy that goes above and beyond.
  10. Don’t be a habitual offender. Ride hard, but ride smart. Don’t ride beyond your skill or machine limit. Engage in your criminal pastime in small doses; and, please, wear all your freaking gear, especially when you’re planning on getting “sporty”. No excuses! Dress for the slide, not the ride! Full race gear is wholeheartedly recommended.

You may now cast the first stone…


15 Comments on “The Law of (Responsible) Hooliganism”

  1. john says:

    Cool.
    Common sense tells me i can recognize all these points as legit and i work on keeping things in check , sometimes though there appears to be those “Hooligans” driven more by hormones than the HP under their butt cheeks that seem to be quite lacking in that most valuable commodity . Adrenaline rush does not always make for the more rational decisions. If ya ride for the high ya may kiss yur ass goodby. something i’m trying to pay more attention to lately.
    cheers
    thought provoking write up.

    • Miss Busa says:

      Thanks, John. I am so preaching to the choir again, aren’t I? LOL Oh well, if I can convince one squid to go into “stealth mode” I consider it a huge success. 😉 (I have lowered expectations.) *grins*

  2. James says:

    Good Article… We practice Responsible (semi) Hooliganism Riding here. Mostly have fun on back roads and try to avoid traffic…. http://youtu.be/lc4shsEaLpU

    • Miss Busa says:

      Nice touch with the video, James. Three seconds in I can see nothing but sky, and hear myself say: “Of course!” =D Rock on, my Hooligan brother.

      • James says:

        lol Well you gotta have fun BUT like you say…. Dont be an asshat in traffic or in town…Find a desolate back road and be a kid again…. Im strictly in Stealth mode of late. I have an all black, Adventure/Touring Bike with a quiet factory exhaust. Im a work hard/play hard kinda Hooligan but mostly behave around witnesses… lol Great article…

  3. chesshirecat says:

    wow, I’ve never thought this in depth about the subject. I ride my ride, if others have a problem with it, I’ll deal with it and them when the need arises. So far cops have pretty much left me alone (yeah I have speeding tickets…) and citizens just move away from me or I move away from them. I’ve just never gone beyond the simple annoyance of the moment.

    Real good in depth reporting, and visualization. Sometimes I need to be dragged out of my own little world into the real one. 🙂

    • Miss Busa says:

      Chessie, please drag me into YOUR world. I’m sick of this one. *giggles* It’s not as pretty as yours, judging from your awesome side-of-the-road photography. Oh, and thanks for your comment. Your input is always a highlight in my day. *nods*

  4. Mason Pruner says:

    Nicely written piece with a lot of thought provoking insights for those of us who need the reminder that we’re not the only ones on the road. Responsible approach, but real as well. thank you for taking the time to do this.

    • Miss Busa says:

      Mason, thank you for your words and taking the time to share them with us. 🙂 I know it’s a tad bit offensive… but it needed to be said in one form or another.

  5. Trobairitz says:

    Very well written. I am inclined to agree with you on all counts especially regarding a time and a place for acting certain ways.

    I believe it is a case of a chosen few that ruin the fun for all. When the asshats act out in traffic are they truly oblivious or do they realize they are giving all motorcyclists a bad name?

    Oh, and your phrase” I’d rather be tried by 12, than carried by 6″ really resonates. I hope you don’t mind me repeating that one giving props to you.

    Thank you for taking the time to write out what needs to be said.

    • Miss Busa says:

      Oblivious? Doubt it. Selfish, self-absorbed, ignorant, hormonal with something to prove, anarchistic, anti-authoritarian, disrespectful, angry, anti-social, etc… One of those, maybe a combination. I don’t know.

      Yes, you may use that wordage, please do, but it wasn’t me who came up with it, I heard it someplace else and thought: that’s exactly how I feel about it. But I wouldn’t know who to credit with that quote. But being willing to be judged by twelve doesn’t mean I’m not gonna fight it or admit fault when I get pulled over. LOL At that point I’m going “hotshot lawyer” on them, do massive legal research and prepare my defense of myself and my actions. I don’t pay tickets, I fight them. And surprisingly, a lot of them don’t hold up in court. People just find it cheaper and easier to just mail in their fine. But then the insurance premiums go up, too. Heck no! But all of that is a completely different story and outside the intent of this lil’ nugget.

  6. lemme2012 says:

    Fuck that. You can go ahead and just submit to these dip shits believing in the false sense of justice and submitting to the near fascist laws, but you fuckin’ operate the same way the square in the car callin’ the fuzz on your ass does. And you have to live with yourself. But don’t go telling people to sell their souls and have coffee and doughnuts with fuckin’ pricks because you’re okay with compromise. You’re the fuckin’ waste of an American that will never change anything. Keep giving in to the shit and before long you won’t have the fuckin’ freedom to ride a motorbike. Sell out…. God, I hope people don’t read your shit… This goes for all of you. ^

    • Miss Busa says:

      Wow! Tell me how you feel. Like I said, you have the right to disagree. And with such passion, too.

    • Just out of curiousity, what are you desiring to change? I mean the article was straight forward, what did she say that makes you believe she’s against this “change” you mention?

    • So what I think you are trying to say is ‘resist the police’? As someone who has to enforce rules and regulations every day, I’ll tell you “go ahead, make their day” because in the end you’ll be behind bars and they’ll be at home drinking a beer laughing about the idiot they arrested today.

      Miss Busa has it right. They don’t write the laws dipshit (now I’m coming down to your level) but it is their job to enforce them. If you don’t like the laws why don’t you let you State Legislators know about it? I bet you don’t even know who they are. Oh, and if you do talk to them or write them I suggest you don’t use profanity because in most states that is against the law with speaking with an elected officials and besides they won’t hear a word you are saying after the first “and fuck this”.


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