The Pirate’s New Skirts

Do not ask what you can do for Brown, but what Brown can do for you!

What Brown can do for me right now? Drop off the Pirate’s new skirts before I have to leave for work. I really need some motivation today; I’m just not in a working kind of mood and I’d rather not spent all night wondering if my S1000RR’s newest bling is going to be OK. I know my neighbor would collect the box and keep it safe at her place, but I’d rather her not have to wrestle this monster with a declared weight of 25 pounds across the street. I want to at least tear into the thing for a quick, invigorating whiff of new bike part smell before I have to leave to turn raw time into “cubic dollars”.

I decide to get ready a little early so I can stop by the store on the way to get some oatmeal and snacks for work. Guess, the UPS guy isn’t going to beat me out the door after all. I grab my backpack and hoodie, set the alarm and let myself out and almost trip over a huge cardboard box. Hell yeah!

I drop my backpack, turn around, shut the door and disarm the alarm, step back outside and pick up my stoop loot. The hoodie ends up on the floor and the box in the middle of the living room. I have 25 minutes before I have to leave, plenty of time to unwrap the present from the Bike Part Fairy.

The Box

I'm about to tear into that like a kid hopped up on Christmas Spirit!

I get a knife and cut the packing tape along the short edges and tear into the box like a nine year old jacked up on Christmas Spirit. On top lies a padded brown envelope with the word “Extras” scribbled on the front. Inside are the DZUS fasteners, Woodcraft and Armour Bodies decals, instructions and a catalog. Oh boy, this is sweet! Every piece is carefully wrapped and taped; and all of it is buried in massive amounts of brown packing paper. The next few minutes are spent digging through the box and sending pieces of thin foam wrapping and brown paper flying everywhere. By the time I’m done I have a huge pile of packing material sitting off to one side and five pieces of awesomely light, ultra flexible, mounting point Kevlar-reinforced, primered and (almost) ready to paint race bodywork.

The Pirate is going to look so gorgeous in her new skirts. If I can manage to do her justice and do her one better than a twelve-foot paint job. I’m going to have to call around town to see how much they charge to finish those panels or if I have to buy some paint and Preval sprayers and learn how to be an automotive painter in addition to my studies as a racer, personal trainer, PR manager, mechanic and tuner.

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Plastic Surgery

I have been working my tail off being a Domestic Goddess. Cleaning the spaces in between and repairing stuff that had been items on my longish To-Do List for eternity, or at least as long as I’ve owned an iPad. The house hasn’t looked this nice in forever. As a matter of fact, you haven’t been able to eat off of my floors since roughly the end of September 2008, when I first started learning to ride motorcycles. You can now, if you’d want to. The cats won’t mind as long as you stay out of the catnip and leave their dish alone. 😉

I should feel a sense of accomplishment, but the lingering thought of not doing enough keeps nipping at my happiness. What the hell? The Slow One keeps telling me that I’m too hard on myself (he has a small point there), but I think the feeling stems more from my To Do List (Race Flavored) getting longer and longer and I keep researching, learning, and it seems at times I’m making little to no progress. It’s downright depressing. The business (read: financial) end of things is overwhelming to me. Just looking at the numbers is cause for distraction.

Case in point: The bellypan.

Ilmberger Carbon Fiber Bellypan

Ilmberger Bike Part Pr0n: This thing is absolutely gorgeous and works with the OEM uppers and with a little careful trimming in the appropriate places works with the stock exhaust. Engineering Porn at its finest. Jawohl!

WERA requires a bellypan that is capable of holding five quarts of liquid. The S1000RR’s lowers are a joke, albeit a good looking one. There’s more air than plastic under there. I’ve thought about fabricating something myself to plug up all those holes and use the existing bodywork as a cradle for my fluid-retaining creation, but I’m not sure that would pass Tech, but it might still bear looking into a little further, if I can find the proper materials to make it work.

The only bellypan that also works with the stock exhaust and stock uppers (that I can find) is made by Ilmberger Carbonparts in Germany and it costs around $530. I could get it a little cheaper if I dealt with Ilmberger directly, who — by the way are awesomely helpful and friendly folks; but making Papa ship that stuff to me is a little rude, since S&H would be free by the way of sponsorship by the First Bank of Dad. Then there is risking getting customs to take a closer look, which in all my years only happened once, but still… Easier, not to mention faster, just to pony up the dough and get it from their distributor here in the States, which will set me back $690.

Hotbodies Race Bodywork

The S1000RR dressed in a full set of unpainted but primed, undrilled Hotbodies race bodywork. I WANT!

A full set of race fairings costs $5 more, if I get them from Hotbodies Racing, and those people must have forgotten to update their website since they still have their Black Friday Sale active. Buy one set of race fairings get one set free. WTF?!? No way, right? It still works, I tried it in their cart, made it all the way to the payment method page. This would be a killer deal. I would have a spare set for when I wreck myself (yeah, it’s when not if, I’m a realist… I just hope it doesn’t happen too soon). Then I’d just rattle can spray paint those puppies, slap my homemade vinyl decals on (more on that later), apply my sponsor stickers and I’m off to the races. Literally.

Where to get that kind of money before they find their mistake and correct it?!? What did I say about luck? Yeah, if I had normal luck, I’d have enough cash to click that order button in a hurry; but I don’t. I have probably about $700 worth of Hayabusa parts (Gilles Tooling rearsets in black anyone?) and miscellaneous other junk laying around that I could unload on eBay or Craigslist. But that takes time. I should have done that a long time ago, but I’ve been too lazy. I just hate dealing with listing stuff on eBay. I guess I’m too perfectionistic in my listings and it takes me forever just to get one item up, but so far I’ve never had a problem out of any douches saying they didn’t get exactly what they ordered, so I’m not changing the behavior.

And these are the trials and tribulations of a wannabe novice female knee dragger with sponsors who are equally broke and just trade off advertising between each other. Yeah, that’s racing (on a “What color is money again?” budget).

And this brings me back to the feeling of being overwhelmed with all this stuff. I think it’s mostly emotional in nature with a side of impatience thrown in. But the more I do my research and learn what I must, the more apprehensive I become. The more I feel I’m totally off my rocker and grossly irresponsible with my personal finances for even entertaining the notion of such an outlandish, no-monetary-gains undertaking. But it’ll be so much fun!!! And what is money anyway? Fun Tickets.

As far as that is concerned, this has got to be the worst business plan ever. Any VCs (venture capitalists) out there wanna unload some dough to ease the tax burden for next year? I’m spunky, look good in tight leather and have a cute ass of just the right proportions. My number is (706) 9…

Maybe I should look into incorporating Team PLD Racing, so Mr. Slow can use it as a total loss write-off next year when tax season is upon us like the Sweats on a church rat. The camera body (Canon 1D Mark II, is it?) that he’s been lusting after with drooling desire would end up a tax deduction on the accountant’s ledger. *cracks up laughing*

Well, hell… I might be onto something here… I need to make a phone call.